Do you want real job security? Not the namby-pamby "in-and-out" career path fecum that lesser mortals pad their resumés with, but the true career highway security of finding your life's work in the hallowed halls of a large, financially sound organization...
You do? Next question: What are you willing to do for it?
If your answer is "anything" then your passion for lifelong employment is exactly what we're looking for. Welcome to the massively multi-world conglomerate that is the Planet Mercenary family!
Available Now
Planet Mercenary is now available to be ordered from the Schlock Mercenary Store.
R&D and Documentation
If you want to play with the latest weapon technology without the risks of serving in a military organization, Planet Mercenary R&D is for you!
We can guarantee that you will not be sent into battle carrying and wearing the things you are testing, and we further warrant that the only people shooting live rounds at you will be your co-workers, and then only in controlled environments where we can prevent accidental deaths*.
(Note: Per 8590-107f-c of the Planet Mercenary Contractual Terms of Employment, accidental death is defined as a death which has neither been forseen nor underwritten by management at some level above the individual suffering death. —your friends at PM-Legal)
Sales & Marketing
We can help you turn your social network into a downline!
If you are a leader, if you can bend your friends and associates around to your way of thinking, Planet Mercenary's Sales and Marketing divisions can help you hone that skill into a molypoly blade that will sever every natural relation you have with other people, turning you into a wealthy god whose friends are no longer holding you back from the wealth you deserve.
Public Relations & Legal
Turn your pathology into a paycheck! If prevarication is second nature to you, we'll correct that little flaw, and help you realize your full potential. Your nascent propensity to "lie like a rug" will flower into a massive bed made of pure money.
Planet Mercenary's Public Relations department turns disasters into opportunities, and PM Legal turns opportunities into the profitable exploitation of the unwitting, the unwary, and the undeserving. Join us, and someday as you're spinning dark and ugly truths into the shining white lies of public image and "not guilty" verdicts, you'll look back on your sophomoric days of dishonesty and see the origin story of a Public Relations hero.